Space. The. Final. Frontier....

OK, i found this on myspace. the answers were written from the perspective of capt. Kirk(if you havent at least heard of capt kirk, you need to stop living in ur box.) I thought it was worthy of posting on here.
my favorites r 15 and 16



1. Since Data eats and drinks for social reasons but he is not capable of human bodily functions, where does it all go?

O'Brien beamed all the waste matter out of Data's body. You'll notice that Data started to gain weight once O'Brien left for DS9 in season 5.

2. Why does Worf even bother going to senior staff meetings when all of his suggestions are always shot down?

Because it's the only time he gets to sit down. What's up with Picard giving a chair to everybody but Worf? Seems like discrimination to me. That's Starfleet for ya, always keepin' the Klingon brothers down. I think Worf should report Picard's ass to the NAAKP (National Association for the Advancement of Klingon People).

3. Why do so many of the male crew members of TOS wear eyeshadow?

Little known fact: Right after each episode's humorous epilogue, the crew would warp off to see Morrissey and The Cure and dance the night away.

4. Why is it that Soong was so talented to be able to create an android as complex and as accurate as Data (or Lore for that matter) in his own image, yet he couldn't get the skin or eye color right?

Dr. Soong was color blind. He thought those WERE the right colors. Poor dumb clod.

5. Who's the bigger alcoholic, Bones or Scotty?

Tough call. Scotty got drunk in the line of duty with that alien from the Andrommeda Galaxy & started a barfight with Klingons on Space Station K7, but Bones kept that big jug of of Saurian Brandy in his office. And he "only used Romulan Ale for medicinal purposes" -- RIGHT!

6. Why do the yeomen in TOS go on away missions? And why are there no Yeomen in TNG and so on?

Two reasons: Eye candy, and we need someone to scream at the evil aliens & space monsters. Who else is going to do it, Spock? Picard didn't have a yeoman because it would have been rendundant. Think about it -- Would a screaming woman next to Picard have made him look ANY more manly?

7. What's the deal with the TOS episode "The Way to Eden" with the space hippies? Why is it a musical and why is the music so bad?

Oh, sure. The "Buffy" people do a musical episode and they're freakin' geniuses. We do it 30 years before them and WE'RE the lame ones. Bite me.

8. What was up with the men who wore skirts in the first season of TNG? While I'm at it, why did season 1 suck so much?

They ran out of material for men's pants because they were already making extra large outfits for "Nemesis" era Will Riker.

9. You know how people claim they can speak Klingon? Not that I'm doubting it, since there are people who are that far-gone from reality... but doesn't "speaking Klingon" imply that there is only one dialect or language for that matter on the entire Klingon home world? How come no other languages have ever evolved?

"Speaking Klingon" is a slang term, like "Speaking Jive". Ever see that scene in the movie "Airplane"? Barabara Billingsley speaks Klingon just as well as she speaks jive.

10. Janeway is gay, right? Not that there's anything wrong with that... everyone else is totally gay.

Janeway being gay would imply that she was interesting.

11. What's up with the uniform switch after seasons 1 and 2 in TNG?

"The Picard Maneuver" looked lame without a shirt to pull down.

12. What the hell is that crap that the crew eats in TOS?

Play-Doh.

13. Okay, what's the deal with the Trills? The first one in TNG was from the episode "The Host" had no spots, and had some forehead prosthetics (you know, the typical deal in Star Trek when they can't come up with anything better). Then there was that chick from "The Perfect Mate" (TNG) who was NOT a Trill but had those leopard spot things. And then in DS9 and forever on, all Trills looked like that chick from "The Perfect Mate". Why??

The leopard spot things are a trendy fashion statement for the hot chicks of the 24th Century. Kinda like lower back tattoos in the 21st.

14. Whose package is more likely to put the male crew of the Enterprise D to shame: Data's or Worf's?

Data's. You'll notice that after hooking up with Data in the second episode, Tasha Yar didn't sit down for the rest of the SEASON. Worf's package is smaller than Data's, but it IS ridged just like his forehead. Klingons are ribbed for your pleasure!

15. Why does the prime directive even exist, when people just violate it at will? And then how come sometimes those same people get all choked up over it and act like it would be the end of the world if they do violate it?

Starfleet officers are a lot like Catholics. We'll break the rules willy nilly, but we'll feel a lot of guilt afterwards.

16. How come no matter what goes wrong on the ship, even when life support systems fail, the gravity STILL works?

The artifical gravity DID get knocked out. It's just that by the latter movies, Scotty got big enough to exert his own gravitational pull.

17. Why don't they have any sort of restraints (i.e. seatbelts) in Star Trek? Look at the way they fall all over the place in TOS, need I say more?

It's a great way to cop cheap feels off of the female cremembers.

18. Synthehol is a total pussy drink, right? Does this have any relation to going from the bad ass Captain Kirk to the reserved and celebate Captain Picard?

You've answered your own question here. In my day we fought Klingons & Romulans with hangovers and we LIKED it!

19. What is the point of Guinan when there is already a Counselor Troi?

You have HEARD Counselor Troi's advice, right? If Troi didn't wear the low cut tops, nobody would listen to a single word she said. Even when it looks like she's being paid attention to, they're all really just checking out her rack.

20. What is the deal with Wesley Crusher's "acting ensign" uniform? Seriously, how is it a uniform when no one else wears it (probably cuz there's no such thing as an acting ensign) and why doesn't the zipper close all the way in the back on his pants?

They just told him it was a uniform to get him out of that damn rainbow sweater he insisted on wearing every single day. And who the hell above the age of 5 has a zipper on the BACK of his pants, anyway?